ask yourself why

Sympathy is a byproduct of compassion and empathy is a byproduct of understanding. As a young child I learned, sooner than most, that things could always get worse. As a teen, I learned to take matters into my own hands; forging my path for the future against any and all odds. I was always hypersensitive to those around me, fully aware that, 'everybody's got a story' as Amanda Marshall clearly pointed out in her 2001 platinum album. Going through life's stages and gaining confidence in myself through my actions and reactions; helped me see the element that is truly missing in society. Allow me to elaborate before I reveal all my secrets.

I feel as though most people can hear someone else's sad, unfortunate or distressing life event and respond apologetically. A fellow dog lover could hear of someone losing their four-legged friend of 15 years and it will elicit sadness in recognition of their shared heart break or future thoughts of saying goodbye to a furry friend. Some people are better than others at putting the shoe on the other foot or walking a mile in someone else's shoes; I believe this character trait can be developed with time, experience and maturity.

Empathy is defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another". It sounds so simple but in truth, it makes you vulnerable as you open your mind and your heart while actively listening and participating in another's narrative. It's a skill that draws people in. Being able to make others feel heard and less alone is a virtue. If you fall into this category of humanity than you are probably the one on speed dial for your loved ones; the friend with an open-door policy, ready and willing to lend the proverbial shoulder to lean on. You may even start flirting with the fine line between being empathetic and becoming a savior. I have failed, at my own personal expense at times, in wanting to fix everything for everyone.

Seeing yourself as a hero, someone who knows best and can save the day, is exhilarating, ego-boosting and addictive. Even if you tell no one of your involvement in solving a problem or fixing an issue; you can internalize the superiority you feel. How do I know this? Because I fit this description more often than I care to admit. I am learning, now in my 30's, that I need to ask why? Coming to that conclusion, in all matters, will help bring a heightened self-awareness, maybe even save me from absorbing everyone else's negativity as a challenge. Why do people say the things they say; is there an underlying issue (possibly unrelated to the topic being addressed)? Why do people do what they do? Why do people lie about insignificant details? Why do people repeat the same choices expecting different results? Why is anger so easy to present itself? Why do people manipulate or cheat to get ahead?

Asking the question is just as important as getting the answer. Without pain, there is no measure for strength. Without suffering, there is no measure for compassion. Without empathy, there is no measure for understanding.

'Once you stop learning, you start dying' - Albert Einstein