I didn't know

Even though you were sick, I didn't know how bad it would get in the end.

Even though we spoke at least five times a week for the last three years, I didn't know Sunday would be the last time I'd hear your voice.

Even though I moved to Portugal sooner than originally planned, I didn't know that those plans would gift me seven weeks to spend with you this last summer.

Even though I gave you crap for being harsh and difficult with some of the nurses at the old age home, I didn't know that you had made friends with most of the staff which is why 20+ people stood in your honor as your body left the building.

Even though I planned your funeral three times in the last six years, I didn't know how hard it would be to sit in front of the director and sign the contract.

Even though you told me all you wanted was a rememberance card to be given at your funeral, I didn't know what photo to use or what to say so Joey found the perfect words and we chose a photo of you when you were a strapping young man (thanks to Tia).

Even though we had to go back to your room at the nursing home to clean out your belongings, I didn't know that I would break down when I unplugged your alarm clock, of all things.

Even though we discussed your ashes going back to the island where you were born, where your parents are laid to rest, I didn't know that I would be personally transporting them.

Even though I am staying with your sister in her home, I didn't know how much closer I would feel to her now that you are no longer on this earth.

Even though I collected as many photos as I could find for your funeral sevice, I didn't know how many Tia had of you and walking down memory lane with her on the night that you passed was comforting.

Even though I couldn't be there by your side when your soul left your body, I am so incredibly grateful that you weren't alone, that Tony was there and Liz was on your tablet.

Even though I had hoped and prayed for your pain and suffering to end, I didn't know how much I would miss you.