Inner Demons

I wish I was quicker to realize my own ridiculousness. I take pride in my self-awareness but it takes me some time to see the error of my ways. This journal of mine is great for self-reflection and when I read some of the beginning posts, I am reminded of how much I've grown. The learning doesn't stop though; I struggle with anxiety and stress. They are my two biggest adversaries. There are times when I feel like I am going crazy, making a mountain out of a mole hill and the PMS excuse is getting REAL old. I get annoyed at the smallest things - slow moving, wanderers in front of me at the grocery store, dog hair on the inside of my mask, drivers missing the advance turn signal because they aren't paying attention... the list is a mile long. When my blood starts to boil, my mood goes sour and I just know my forehead wrinkles grow deeper and deeper. I don't make enough money for Botox so something has to change.

It helps to remind myself that these are 1st world problems, things could always be worse. My problems are insignificant in the grand scheme of things but just like everyone else, sometimes I can only see as far as my own personal bubble. With the best of intentions, I strive to see more positivity, counter-act each complaint with a benefit. I am so quick to offer this advice to others and I have the ability to help people see multiple points of view but I let myself fall into pits of guilt and self-pity. I can honestly say I like myself as a person and I don't doubt my intellect but I also know that I am my own worst enemy and no one is as hard on me as I am. I expect much more of myself than I do of others which is what helped me get to where I am today but silencing my inner demons is proving to be a lifelong battle.

The best part about sharing all of this publicly is finding out the war wages on in others too💕