UP (literally) week 4

My feelings before I got on the scale this morning: 'I'm doing good, a few slips of self-control when it comes to food choices/snacks but it was an overall good week'.

My feelings after I saw 202.2lbs on the scale this morning: 'WHY 😖'.

This is normally when I give up and give in to every craving since the struggle isn't being reflected on the scale and by struggle, I mean the lack of effort that yielded zero results even though I will it to.

WELL, NOT THIS TIME MY FRIENDS!!! I have wasted way too much of my LIFE placing pressure on how I look. I still want to lose weight so the journey continues BUT I am not holding onto negative thoughts or views of punishment vs. reward.

Something I failed to do this week was exercise, unless you count sexy-time that was long overdo thanks to travelling and COVID. I didn't even take a walk, or pay attention to my step goals. I buried myself in work to catch up on things and get ready for the Customer Appreciation Days (an idea born from wanting to bring our customers back into our warehouse after doing a huge clean-up and organization of our stock items). I am very fortunate that I didn't lose my sense of smell this time but the tickle of a cough when I overexert myself or the intensity of my sneezes still linger. I had an episode this past week where one massive sneeze caused me to pee my pants a little bit. The shock of it all turned into a serious conversation with Kevin where I expressed my fear of needing to wear panty-liners or adult diapers in the future. I even warned our son Josh that he may have to change his parents diapers sooner than he thinks.

I often wonder if my ambition to weigh less is a phase, something that occurs in your 30s while you try to chase your youth but then I think back to when I was considered to be in my best physical shape and if I'm being completely honest; I wasn't happy with how I looked then either. Growing up with a European background, my family (without fail) would hug/kiss me (double cheek always) and immediately afterwards, mention my weight, "you're too thin, give this young lady a cookie", or "wow, Melissa, you are big now, what happened?" And it didn't stop with weight, my size could be in its proper "judgmental range" but my acne caused for further ridicule. Its a terrible habit, one that I hope my fellow peers are able to break with their children. I said I wouldn't dwell on the negative and here I am complaining about the past... here's something GOOD that happened this week: I made out with my husband. Like a real, teenager-in-love make out session. It was phenomenal, I recommend this to any married couple who doesn't remember the last time they sucked face. It made me feel wanted and not a single thought about my size entered my mind (many other thoughts did, but not that one).

These Sunday posts are taking a bit of a turn for me, not sure if anyone has noticed but as much as it was based on dropping a few pounds and staying accountable, it is proving to help me accept myself and learn patience and grace. Maybe I will reread my past weeks and realize I'm just full of shit🤷🏻‍♀️

It's time for the photo, I plan to go into work today (yes, on a Sunday) but that's because I want to be in a good position come Monday morning and I don't want to waste the quiet time (no interruptions).

Jogging pants, sports bra and a work shirt - this is how I normally look - Monday to Friday.

P.S. I am not a person who makes her bed, the only day the bed is 'neat' is on Sunday mornings for these ridiculous selfies that I committed to sharing 😂

You're Welcome!