UP week 5

I weigh more than I did last week, I'll get to the exact number before the end of the post. My weight seemed like a separate part of me, almost like its own category. Just like I view my job/career or my marriage; its all a part of who I am but they occupy their own space. I watched a documentary on Netflix that changed that view. Jonah Hill (whom I LOVE in Superbad) is a grown-ass man now and he has a therapist that he adores so he shares his relationship with the good doctor. I watched it, captivated by the story and the teachings, all while re-evaluating my 'Life Force' (its in the movie, basically aligning your priorities and seeing how things are connected). If I am the common denominator and everything I do (my intent, my actions, my inactions, my thoughts and my energy) then all my categories bleed into one another and they all start with my body. If my mind and my physical being is content and whole, than I can and will have the best possible chance to face life's challenges. I am not taking care of my body right now. I indulge often and we are coming into the holiday season, this is dangerous because food is celebration, it always has been and always will be. I need self-control and I need to put critical thinking behind my food choices. The ugly truth for me is how lonely I can get when I spiral. I hide what I am eating and I look for excuses to get the snacks or sweets in my sights. I am also the one who shops for the food and prepares it. I learned a long time ago that I use food as a coping mechanism and that's when I gained the awareness to turn to other outlets (like writing) but I'm not struggling with any outside drama at the moment (knock on wood). I am living week-to-week in the average routine way and I am feeling weighed down (literally and figuratively). I recently spoke with a dear friend and I was telling her that I struggle with publishing my blog because I feel narcissistic sometimes, like what makes me so special, why would or should anyone read/care? And she said something that really stuck with me, she said, 'you say the words that others are thinking'. If that is the case than its totally worth it to keep this going because feeling connected to others is important; being real and raw, vulnerable and open, may help others do the same in their own way. The scale read 205.9lbs, its just a number but it carries a lot of feelings. I often tell my son, don't apologize for your feelings, they are what they are, all you can do is take control of your actions - what are you going to do about how you're feeling? Obviously, it's a lot easier to dish the advice rather than take it. Now for the picture...

This is the pajama look, braless with stretchy pants on. I have to clean the house, change the bed sheets and hopefully get around to dusting because just like my body, I have been neglecting my home as well 😏 Enjoy the rest of your Sunday; till next week 😘