Wisdom in my 30's

As a teenager, I see now that I made poor choices when it came to love. I only regret 25% of the guys I dated 😂. My shortest relationship lasted 4 whole days (3 out of the 4 days the guy was in Aruba on a family vacation, so maybe that should count as 1 day) and the longest relationship was 1.5 years (but that guy lived in another country so I don't know how to quantify that properly). The surface stuff was easy; showing affection, going to the mall or the movies, buying each other Christmas/Birthday gifts and talking on the phone (this was before the age of texting/DMs). The struggle came when I couldn't fake my underlying issues with intimacy, physically and emotionally. Letting someone get that close, letting them know my secrets and my insecurities; that's when things went sour. In my early 20's, I felt most comfortable with dysfunction, someone with more problems than me was considered a real catch. I felt that if I could save someone than maybe I too, could be saved. I almost married that someone. I had never felt so alone in a relationship and it took almost 5 years for me to wake up from the nightmare I had a hand in creating. The saying, 'better the devil you know than the devil you don't', was my philosophy. I wouldn't have had the courage to move forward if it hadn't been for my support system at work.

My "career" choices from the moment I got my social insurance number (that's the Canadian version of a social security number), went from washing dishes at Swiss Chalet to Doller Store Inventory Specialist (stocking shelves). It was pretty simple back then, without money you can't live. The ability to be picky with my employment was a luxury I didn't have. Finishing high school was the highest form of education that I could reasonably strive for so taking each opportunity, as it presented itself, was my plan all along. It was a good thing I was friendly and personable because it lead me to an actual career, with a business card and everything🤓. I worked for a successful Insurance Agent who helped me get licensed and gain confidence in myself. With every accomplishment, I wanted more. So much so that I eventually took all that I had learned and started a family business with my brother in the U.S.

I was 24 when I felt ready to find a life partner, someone who would accept all of me, good and bad. I often tell my husband of almost 9 years, that if he had met me any earlier, he would not have fallen for me. The qualities he admires most about me are all thanks to the sum of my experiences... ambition, self-awareness, and accountability were all traits I had to learn.

In two short months I will be 35 and I am exhausted. Let the record show, I am currently grappling with weight gain, poor time management, difficulty making friends and fitting in with my own generation, and increased laziness. Please tell me my 40's will tie things up with a pretty pink bow; I could use an easy, laid back, know-it-all, no surprises, decade or two 😜